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Mrs. Kitty posted an update 10 years, 1 month ago
What would be a better option for a couple exploring their fantasies for the first time?
FF husband watching (wife is very bi-curious).
FFM husband participating.
MMF (wife has never been with anyone but husband).
MFMF (everyone playing with each other)
This is difficult to answer without first knowing what husband’s fantasy vs. wife’s fantasy vs. couple’s joint fantasy.
If it is simply a couple’s joint fantasy to add another person(s) to their sex life, I think the first step might be FF (husband watching or not). Continuing on this same joint fantasy, I think you listed the options in increasingly adventurous order.
Do you think women would be more judgemental than a man would be (body wise)?
Yes, I do think women are “harder” on women because we are harder on ourselves and women have more body image issues than men.
I gotta think if your not comfortable enough with these people to not be body conscious, then you could be rushing things… Oh my God, is this really me being the wet blanket here…. Ah Miss Kitty you must have found a warm place in my heart I am being protective of you and your Willie
I had to write fast this morning, so I couldn’t pontificate… But now… Here it comes 🙂
I get it we are all hard on ourselves. I’m not denying that. Heck I was just walking down the street, looked up and ten feet in front of me is this fantastic young woman with a light cotton tank and an incredible bouncing rack with hard nipples and tight jeans and blowing hair and did I basically stop dead in my tracks and openly gawk? Yes I did. Was it hot? Yes it was. It felt great, almost as if someone had just slapped in the face and was it about her looks… Ooohhhh yes, it was definitely about her looks. There is an animal brain firing somewhere in all of us. And when I arrive to pick her up for our date and she steps out and looks fantastic and put together and gorgeous, doe a it excite me? Yes. I am proud and turned on and it strokes me ego.
But there is a difference between looking at pictures on the internet or strangers on the street and a real life woman that I know and accept and want to ravish. At that point I’m not ‘measuring’ her looks, I’m soaking in her beauty. It’s like this. I can appreciate a beautiful goblet. But when I’m thirsty, when what I want is to drink deep, handing it to me empty does not do jack. But handing me crisp, cool water in damn near anything that will hold it, by god I’m going to drink it and be sated.
Now I understand people are different and situations are different and some sex really just is casual lust driven sex, but this is I think why Mallory and I were both asking questions, because it really is all about what your going for. The advice could be very different depending on what your going for.
If I’m meeting someone I’m not judging them, I am noticing them and I am feeling how I respond, and that has much less to do with how airbrushed they look than about a dozen other things, like how available as a real person they are. Now I know that is true, I also know I have gone after man a woman because of her hotness, I’m not saying that doesn’t happen, I’m saying if I get anywhere with either there is a point at which it stopped being about seeing imperfections and became about the things I see that make me continue to choose her, to want her, to be excited by her… And if she can’t see and receive that then that itself is much more of a turn off than any cellulite I assure you. And just to lend some credibility, yes, I’ve easily had sex with more than 35 women.
It really depends on the people, and how well everybody knows each other, and how aligned every persons goals and expectations are. If you’ve never done anything with another person, I’d approach it as a process. You take small steps, you see what comes up, understand the types of challenges that you weren’t expecting and work through those bit by bit.
I’d say the easiest, is just going out with another couple (everyone feels more grounded and equally supported and the pairings are well defined, everyone knows who is supposed to be there for the other afterword and no one is doing something totally out of their experience for the first time other than having. New partner or a new person watch). Don’t have sex straight away. First is just flirting and Pda with your own partner in front of them. Then across couple lines. I wouldn’t go farther than that out of the gate, until you see how it ends up sitting with everyone. Is everyone comfortable, can everyone talk, did people get what they wanted, was anyone surprised by what they felt. Are you confident you are picking the right ones to make a next step with. Are you confident you and your
After both want this and are getting something individually from it. Do you both really understand way the other wants it.
FF can be less threatening, but it can also mean you defer real questions that are going to come up eventually. There really are so many assumptions I can see myself making to answer this. For it to fit, I think you should narrow it, and ask a more specific question, then I think we could really take it somewhere.
I have tried to think about how to answer this in the simplest way and it is so situationally different, I just can’t. Take for example a question like this: are you looking for a one off anonymous romp with essentially a human sex toy or looking to incorporate this person emotionally, sexually, and functionally long-term into your relationship? I assume it is something in between, but my answer is very different based on what option I am assuming you want.
AND it really makes a big difference. Let me put a couple of examples to this. In my mid twenties had a MMF experience. I worked with a guy who was a good friend and had a big crush on me, but I just wasn’t into him that way. One weekend his best from from college comes into town. Now the friend is a suave and gorgeous cowboy, and after ten words I know I am in trouble. The three of us have dinner go to a concert, then this great bar where we party and dance till the wee hours, crash together in a pile wasted back at his place, wake up and fuck our brains out. Now by all accounts this was a great night, great fun was had by all… And yes, I really couldn’t walk straight for two days.
Cowboy went home and I never talked to him again. Had to spend the next month convincing my friend this didn’t mean we were now a couple. All seems manageable right? Well here is the thing, a couple of key elements were missing, and as a result, I think it was probably several years before I really processed that correctly and without some level of shame.
Number one, I didn’t choose it, I fell into it or just didn’t stop it. Two none of us really understood each other’s perspective before during or after, three none of us were in a position to provide any level of care to each other afterward, not even small things that would have made a big difference.
Another example, friend of mine just two weeks ago pulled off one of the most elaborate fantasy scenarios in real life I’ve ever heard of. Something I have never even come close to trying. 90% of everything went as well as it could have gone and the experience itself was incredible. But once again, just a few small misses here or there, and after she came down from the high she spent three days confused and sobbing.
I have lots of total success stories too, but caution is your friend here, and don’t get me started on hidden agendas. Okay, I’m going to stop now cause I can’t tell if I’m helping or ranting… Ranting bad 😉