Recently reader kristye wrote about her unique and vivid sexual awakening in the Your Experiments Group. It’s really the story of how a first date became a lifelong experiment between ‘He’ and ‘i”. Please feel free to add your comments below about this unusual erotic adventure.
Does arousal at things you have read or seen have any control over who you become? For me, looking back, it absolutely did.
As a child i was raised by a single father with two younger female siblings. No abuse or anything like it was ever brought into my life. My father was, and is, a very loving man…and a very dominant man. i looked up to him, almost like a God. i believe this upbringing was the start of my submissive life. Domestically i was groomed to fill the role of female caregiver to my younger siblings. i took on the house chores, cooking, cleaning, and serving. In return i was rewarded with small trinkets and dolls. i loved even then to please my father, to do exactly what was asked of me, and i feared him like no other if i strayed from my tasks. No, i was never hit, or mentally abused. Our discipline consisted of being put in a corner facing the wall. i hated it. i hated not being able to join in that evening’s game, or movie, and the guilt i felt for disappointing my father was even worse than the punishment i received.
My first taste of my own sexuality is fairly difficult to write…only because for many years i was completely embarrassed by it and thought there was something wrong with me. Now that i know otherwise, i will share it with you. If anyone finds this offensive, please understand that i am simply trying to share with you the feelings i went though at a young age to get to where i am today.
i was a late bloomer, with my first signs of puberty around age twelve. On one particular Saturday my sisters and i were watching a movie (that to this day still makes me clench inside). It was called The Clan of The Cave Bear, and Daryl Hannah stars in it. Basically, it’s about a tribe of cave people who have adopted a non-tribal child who grows up with its own duties and expects to be selected by a mate, and so on.… The part of the movie that began my years of twisted confusion was where she (Daryl Hannah) reached mating age and was raped by one of the high-ranking cavemen. i know this sounds horrible…. Being twelve, i had no clue why i was tingling down below while i watched this, and even more startling was that i didn’t find the act as horrifying as i knew it would be in real life. i wasn’t looking at it as rape, but as a beautiful woman being held down by a strong man, and him taking pleasure in that. His animal need to hold her and have his way with her was what aroused me. My sisters all turned their faces away from the movie…but i stared completely in awe of this woman. Over the coming years any movie i watched that had any type of restraint in it sent me to my bedroom with locked doors, rubbing myself…never succeeding in release but it just…felt good.
i wasn’t sexually active with another person until i was seventeen. i very much remember my awkward first time. i was so nervous and had not a clue what to do, but when the boy told me to take my clothes off, i felt that same tingle. i was told to lie down on the picnic table, and i did, comfortably, tingling with arousal. But it stopped there. We had sex, but my arousal completely vanished once we began. He stopped talking, stopped telling me what to do. Instead, he waited for me to do things to him. In the end i was left feeling empty. Something was missing.
i had a handful of boyfriends between seventeen and twenty-two, some i really thought i liked enough to get whatever fulfillment i needed, that i desired deep inside…but i always felt something was missing. My girlfriends and i would go out and chat about our lovers. They would talk about ”getting off”, screaming like crazy during their sexual encounters, and i had no clue why. i had never experienced an orgasm and couldn’t even pretend to know what it felt like, and i certainly wasn’t a screamer. i just didn’t get it at all. i was a fumbling mess when i was having sex, and here my own girlfriends were having the time of their life…or so it seemed. i thought i had something missing from my body to enjoy sexual encounters as my friends did, and this really upset me, because i wanted that. i stopped dating for a while and struggled with what or who i was. i stopped going to the club my friends and i hung out at on the weekends and just worked or sat home by myself…lost.
One Saturday night i was invited out by my best friend. We had been best friends since grade school, and i absolutely love her to pieces, so i couldn’t say no. i actually felt i needed to get out and have a few drinks. She told me that her boyfriend was bringing a friend of his whom she thought was a stiff, but hot. He was quiet like i was, and she thought we would like each other. i dreaded her matchmaking but had no obligations to this guy, so i figured what the hell. Little did i know that this night would be the turning point in my life, that my eyes would be opened to what i truly was, and that my heart would embrace it.
i was introduced to this hot man, seven years my senior, who reminded me of my father – the way He stood, the way He talked so clipped and to the point, the way He stared straight into my soul through my eyes (which automatically dropped to fidget with a napkin many times). We had a few drinks, talked about His job and mine, that we were both available, etc. The club announced it’s closing in half an hour, and the four of us were starting to head towards the exit when He grabbed the inside of my elbow, making me stop and look up at Him. i was physically attracted to Him but wasn’t sure yet how far i would go. It had been almost nine months since i’d had any intimate encounters with anyone, and to be honest i was afraid of the let down. But something about the firmness of how and where He grabbed me caused me to inhale sharply, and He had a brief, wicked smile when He said those six words that began my life: You are going home with me. i know it sounds absolutely crazy – cheesy even – but that’s what He said, and i wasn’t shocked. It was the demand i heard in His voice that stirred those feelings again. i couldn’t help but feel that He was different…like me, maybe. With His hand on my lower back, He took me out to the parking lot where we met up with my best friend. The two guys chatted quietly, then turned to us and laughed. i was nervous, but differently than before. My palms were sweaty, i felt aroused and achy, i had goose bumps (i’m sure from head to toe) wondering what i should do. Should i tell this guy to fuck off? No, i was attracted to Him and felt something inside me waken just being near Him. i wanted to see where this was going to go. So when the guys came back over to us, and He asked if i was ready, i said yes without hesitation. My best friend only smiled said to call her if i needed her…and to absolutely call her in the morning.
The car ride to His place seemed to take forever. We were silent for half the drive. He had his arm stretched over the headrest of my seat, slowly stroking the back of my neck with His fingers. He looked over at me when we reached His place and said, “Don’t be afraid. I will never harm you. You are a beautiful girl that I want to take my time to explore.” i think my jaw hit the floor, and i seriously debated whether i had made a mistake. i had never just ridden home like that with someone else, but i felt honesty, safety, and confidence in His words, so i chose to stay.
i entered his home very anxious. It was a fall evening, but i was sweating – afraid of being disappointed sexually when i was so physically turned on, afraid of being a fumbling mess in front of the Man (he was no ”boy” or ”guy” of my age – he was all Man and had the softest dark brown eyes i had ever seen). So yes, i was greedily wanting to fuck Him but unsure how it would come about or end.
He took my coat from me, poured us each a glass of wine (my first ever) and told me to sit while pointing to His couch….and i did, no questions asked, it was natural. He took off my heeled boots then stood telling me to look at Him. As soon as my eyes met His….
He grabbed the back of my neck to tilt my head away and seemed like an expert when He kissed me, leaving my insides on fire. When He stopped, He told me i tasted good and that He would taste all of me by the end of the night. i thought then that i might pass out. i was light headed. i wanted to fuck this Man. He took my hand and pulled me up from His couch and led me to His bedroom, where he had a fairly large bed, and the normal bedroom furniture. In the corner, however, i noticed a black wooden chair. It was a tall chair – not like a small kitchen table chair, but much taller – and it had two sets of handcuffs hanging from the top post of the chair. i remember staring at them, licking my lips instinctively, and pressing my thighs together to stop the throbbing sensation there. Startled by what i was feeling, i looked over at Him…and He caught me. He knew what i was looking at. He had been watching me this entire time as if He could see right through me. He was fully dressed but told me to take my clothes off…. He instructed me one garment at a time, and i complied. It wasn’t until i was completely naked (while He stood there fully dressed) that my embarrassment snuck up on me. i looked down at the ground, feeling dumb just standing there for Him to merely watch me. He must have sensed me struggling, because He came to me then, put one warm hand on my shoulder, and instructed me to sit – sit in the very chair with the handcuffs that i had been staring at, had been practically drooling over. i sat with no hesitation. Mentally i questioned why, but i had no time to analyze what i was doing, because He began kissing me as He had in the living room. i knew i was wet, i knew i wanted him, i knew that this was different.
While kissing me i heard the metal…heard the click. it wasn’t until He took a step back that i realized what it was i had heard. He had in that time cuffed each of my ankles to each side of the bottom of the wooden chair. i wiggled my legs and found that while they weren’t held tight, i couldn’t get free. i wasn’t afraid, but i was excited, and not having the ability to squeeze my thighs together only added to the sensations i was feeling. He then positioned me so that my ass barely sat at the edge of the wooden chair, and He firmly grasped the inside of my wrists and directed them behind the chair, where he fastened the other set of handcuffs. All the while He stared right into my eyes. i felt my breathing pick up even more. i began shaking, and He only smiled. He kept very silent except for the few words He would say to me: Good girl… Your skin is so soft… It’s a shame no one has ever taken advantage of your beautiful body. At those last words fear struck my mind, and i wiggled my arms and my legs, starting to panic. He grabbed both sides of my face and said Stop. i did and felt a tear slide down my cheek. He wiped it away with His thumb and told me that if i needed to stop – if i couldn’t take what He was about to give – then i had to choose a word to mean that. It couldn’t be No and it couldn’t be Stop, because i might beg Him but not really mean it. He was going to show me what i was made for. i tried hard to process all of this without feeling like i was crazy for being where i was, but the thing that kept me there was that i was so aroused…. more than i had ever been at that point in my life. So when He asked me what my ”word” was, i blurted out the first thing that came to mind: Caveman.
He kissed me tenderly…kissed me roughly. i tasted a hint of blood where he bit my lip, and i couldn’t get enough of it. He stroked my drenched pussy with His fingers and entered me with them, making me squirm and lift my hips to gain more friction, moaning…. Then He stopped. i started to panic, wondering why He had stopped. i searched His eyes for reassurance, and He softly but sternly said, “Do not move until I allow you to. Do not make a noise until I say you may. And do not come until I give you permission to do so.” It was at that very moment that i felt air exhale out of my chest. i felt sated, i felt safe, i felt ….free. Just those instructions, that pure Dominance was it – that was what i needed, that was what i desired and what my body required. i struggled to keep myself from moving, to let Him thrust his fingers inside of me without trying to rub myself on his hand. i struggled with keeping my moans of pleasure quiet, and instead of voicing them i cried. i cried from the pure pleasure of being restrained and having this Man do what he pleased to me, in no rush at all. It was when He started to suck and bite my thighs that i started having tremendous difficulty with His instructions. The higher He went, the worse it got for me. i bit my own lip to keep it shut, tears streaming down my face, my head hanging the back of the chair. He slid his fingers inside of me, pulled them back out, and told me to look at Him. Afraid of what i was going to see, i did as He had instructed and met His eyes. He had that wicked sexy smile again and showed me His glistening fingers. He said that this, what we were doing, what we would do over and over again, was what i was made for, and he pushed those fingers into my mouth, where i sucked them clean. Entering me again with His fingers, He started to put pressure on my clit with His thumb, then His tongue. My insides felt swollen, as if at any moment that tightening was going to be too much and i would explode. He knew this…He somehow knew this because just before he closed His lips around my clit to suck, He said to me, “You can come now,” and oh how i did.
My first ever orgasm will never be forgotten. i cried like a sissy, i begged him to stop, and through it all i loved and craved every minute of it. He hadn’t yet taken what was His. He had only showed me that what i had long thought was wrong was purely right for me. He unfastened the cuffs and sat me on His lap. He simply held me tight while i cried…cried for being free.
The following morning i woke to the realization of what had happened the night before. i replayed over and over in mind what this Man had done for me. As He walked to the bed from the bathroom, that wicked, sexy-as-hell grin got bigger, and i swallowed hard, wet again just by the way He stared at me. He told me that what had happened the previous night was only half of me, that i had so much to give, that pleasing Him and taking what He would give me was where i would be most satisfied. He told me to grab His headboard and to not let go or i would be disciplined, and at that moment i felt the fear i had with my Father – not fear of being physically hurt, but fear of disappointing Him, and so i did. I held white-knuckled onto that headboard while he took everything he could from my pussy and left me full of his own pleasure. While lying there with Him afterwards, i did not have that empty feeling anymore, even with not orgasming that morning…even with him just taking his pleasure that morning… i felt sated, i felt satisfied that he was pleased. He was pleased with me.
And so began my life with Master….
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