So, my first fantasy post involved searching and finding my ex-boyfriend in amateur porn. My most recent obsession is finding pictures of attractive men with elaborate camera equipment. As shy as I am, I admit I’ve had fantasies involving authoritative men asking me questions and instructing me to do things on camera, but only while in the same room. I think it started when my friend B. randomly pulled me aside for an interview for a video class in undergrad. His questions were mundane enough, but there was something about the fact that he wasn’t looking directly at me, his impassive tone of voice and the vulnerability of putting myself on record to be scrutinized made my spine tingle.

On the other side of that, I find myself looking at the “ladyboners gone wild” subreddit with the perverse hope of finding someone I know, either from work or from school. As awkward as it may be, it definitely makes my interactions with men more interesting if I know what they look like naked or that they’ve taken silly duckface iphone pictures, but they have no idea that I have this knowledge.