Dear Beautiful Loser,
I loved hearing about your (losing but winning) sex adventure out on the town with your husband. I would have loved to be there at the bar, sidling up close to you and considering the possibilities. But then I’ve promised to remain at a distance (alas), although I do occasionally come across you in unexpected ways. For example, I was at a party last night and your name came up in relation to some of the work you’ve been doing. I played dumb, of course, and said I’d only met you once or twice…but had found you charming. What would’ve given me away, if anyone was paying attention, was the bulge in my pants that had appeared so emphatically that I feared it would rise clear out of my pants and walk off to order its own drink. We both needed a drink right about then. You do that to a man.
Anyway, I bring this up because someone mentioned you had traveled off to [city] for a week, and of course my brain started spinning like a game show wheel of fortune. When the spinning stopped, what was the wheel’s response? Two words, like a code I was meant to decipher: sex shop. Which only started me spinning again, until I dreamed up this, your sex shop experiment.
[City] is a city well populated with sex shops (I’ve been told), and even if it’s not for groceries with angular women to approach in the aisles, I know you do love shopping. So find a sex shop that looks welcoming, go in, and have a look around. I want you to do some serious casual browsing in there, letting yourself be aroused or amused by what you find (sex shops are always a combination of the two, aren’t they?). Then, once you’ve settled into the atmosphere of the place, I want you to find some unexplainable apparatus that…intrigues you and (as coyly as possible) ask the shopkeeper for more…information. How does one use such a thing Where does it go? How does it work? What does it do to you? Maybe there are few intriguing items, and maybe the conversation is extended. I have no idea whether the shopkeeper will be a man or woman, repulsive or intriguing as well, but whoever it is, I want you to observe them closely as you pose your charming questions. Is this person turned on by you in the moment? How do you know from observing? Or maybe they’re simply trying to sell, or be informative. What can you imagine about their own sex lives from the way they speak of the objects? Write a little sexual history in your mind and watch to see if it’s confirmed by the countless little details you observe.
I have no idea what will happen next, of course. Maybe you’ll end up in a back room of the sex shop, penetrated by a handful of toys. That would be exciting. But I’ll only set a minimum requirement: buy the toy (or toys) that intrigues you the most. Then find a way to use it. You may discover a surprising candidate to inaugurate it with, or you may choose to use it (them) with/on/in front of your husband when you return home. Whatever the case, I want to know the details of this too. What does it do to your body? Does it take you to a different place? All pressing questions of our time, lady, because all work and no play makes lady a dull girl.
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