Identity is the product of the imagination. We are what we imagine ourselves to be, the main characters in our own fictions. Dreams may push us on towards future possibilities, but for the moment, we are closest to what we think we are. Perhaps our lives are regular ones, the lives of secondary characters in ordinary movies set in ordinary places. Perhaps our own movies are more adventurous, or more romantic. Perhaps we’re the character who always struggles, or the one who blithely succeeds. Maybe, if we’re lucky, we’re the protagonists in a thrilling erotic novel, our fearless bodies stripped to work magic upon the world. Continue reading Living the erotic novel: the result of Mona’s Pick-up Experiment
Dear Mr. X,
I want you! I want you! I want you! I feel like one of those dolls with a string you pull, those dolls that say something every time. Me I just say “I want you!”, and then the string probably gets me stripping and makes my legs fly wide open. I am that kind of doll, which I guess you could call a sex doll.
So thanks to you I had a big adventure. Last Thursday night I went out to my favorite bar with a gay friend of mine. You can probably guess where, but every Thursday night is ladies’ night there, and shots are free. We go most Thursday nights, sometimes with a bigger group. We dance and get a little intoxicated, and sometimes somebody picks me up, or I pick up somebody, and either we rent a room in the hotel upstairs or we go back to my place or his. I have had some crazy encounters in there. One time a man took me up to a room where his wife was naked in bed watching television and waiting for us. They kept calling me “Cristal” even though the man knew my name was Mona. Anyway, that is another story and if you ever meet me in a bar do NOT call me Cristal (not that it was boring, but twice is boring, and I would never want you to bore me).
I don’t usually have to use a pickup line on these Thursday nights (I dress and they drool, baby!), but when I see a really yummy man I will sometimes go over and ask if he is gay. It is the perfect pickup line. Either he wants to prove to you that he is not gay, or he is actually gay (my friend went home with a man one night after I asked him this and he said Yes!). Also, if he does not laugh right away, or at least smile, you know he is an asshole.
Dear Fearless Flirter,
I am attaching my résumé, since after your office fantasy I don’t think there’s anyplace I’d rather work. You will notice that I have no previous experience at “Ravaging the boss on her desk alongside a co-worker”, but I assure you that I am a fast learner. I’m willing to work long hours, stay late. Weekends. Company picnics. Hell, I’ll even pick up your dry cleaning. Just get me on staff, you sexy beast (a term I don’t know that I’ve ever applied to a woman, but in your case it’s deserved), and we’ll take it from there. I look forward to my first performance review.
In the meantime I want you to do some recruiting. No, I’m not afraid of competing candidates. I want you out in the world interviewing, shaking hands, undoing another button, etc. I want it to be at night, I want drinks to be involved, I want you to be dressed even sexier than usual, and I want your job interview to consist of just three words: “I want you.” Continue reading Mona’s Pick-up Experiment